It was not easy..

It was not easy..

She tried to cover up the key hole with a small piece of paper to prevent the piercing wind from sprouting into the room. Three blankets and a heater still she could not stop the clatter of her teeth. It was peak winter in Delhi and the eve of 2010.
Obliged by the norms of social etiquettes and for the sake of celebration, she coated herself with whatever warm clothes she had, leaving her eyes and nose to see and breathe, she hauled to the party. The vibration of the loud music and the lively crowd made her warm within. To her utter disbelief, she found almost all the women out there in their trendiest outfits revealing their excellent feminine curves. She was stared from her woolen cap to her sneakers by every eye. She badly wished Mother Earth to swallow her or to become invisible like Mr. India. Right then she heard some crackers bursting somewhere and everyone toasted their glass of champagne. Raktim came near her and cheered, “Happy New Year Nikunj, Welcome to Delhi.” He introduced her to few of his friends but she barely remembered any of their names. She tried to sip from her glass to look comfortable but it tasted horrible. “I believe you never had it before. This is your first time, right?” She was completely off guard hearing this. He was one of Raktim’s friends. She tried hard to remember his name but found no clue. “Well, yaa not really?” She foolishly murmured. He smiled at this teasingly that made her numb and her ears started boiling. “So what are you planning to do here” “I am in a job haunt. Want to try my luck in some of the magazines here. I am a writer.” She tried to sound confident and smart. He paused for a while and scrutinized her long golden hair, which looked like a cascade, her beautiful eyes and lustrous lips. He was caught staring, he quickly again continued, “Okay good. You can try in Woman’s era. The office is nearby. I don’t know exactly where but I can definitely find it for you. Give me your number. I’ll contact you once I get hold of the address.” “That will be very nice of you but I haven’t taken any number yet. I landed just two days back.” Though she had a number, she didn’t feel like giving it to him. Something about him was not pleasant. Maybe the way he looks at her, his smile, his voice. She was quietly praying for her cousin to appear from somewhere. “Anyways you keep my card. I have good contacts with some people in media. In case you need any help just give me a call.” He added slowly in a husky voice, “I’ll be at your service.” She hesitantly took the card from him and gave a quick glance at his name, Rohit Agarwal. Finding no sign of Raktim around, she finally said, “Okay Rohit, thank you so much. I had a wonderful time with you but I am afraid I am getting too late. I have to leave now. Do excuse me.” “But how will you go now. It is already too late to get an auto. May I drop you?” She is more than irritated now and this time she spoke flatly on his face, “No thank you, I can manage.” He understood somehow and let her go for this time. She impatiently looked around for Raktim, annoyed and irritated. She felt a great relieve finding him at last who was busy with his girlfriend. “Raktim I am getting late. Please drop me to my guest house.” She somehow managed to sound cool. “Hey Mainu where were you. I thought you already left. I hope you had a good time.” She disliked him for calling her by the nickname, “Ya I enjoyed. Now let’s go.” Sensing the urgency in her voice Raktim understood something went wrong. He hurriedly kept his glass on the table and stood up “Just give me a minute. I’ll ask Nitu to accompany us.” She reached her room after around half an hour. Through out the way she tried to be as calm as she could with Raktim and Nitu. But now she no longer need to pretend. She savagely removed her sneakers and banged it on the wall and lay on her bed gazing at the ceiling for a long time. She no longer felt cold. Tears rolled down her cheeks uncontrollably. She closed her eyes. She suddenly remembered her father. Her daily morning walks with him. She then remembered the party. That horrible taste of the champagne. She suddenly felt guilty for tasting it. What will her father think if he comes to know about it? She twisted and curled and covered herself with the thick quilt and started to cry. She terribly missed her home. She felt like a child lost in the crowd, lonely and insecure. She didn’t remember when she felt asleep. She dreamed of her little niece, her father and their beautiful garden. When she woke up in the morning, she somehow felt as if she was sleeping in her own room at home. After she opened her eyes, she realized the reality. She felt sick. She tried to be in the bed as long as she could. Her phone rang after a while breaking the silence. It was her father. She got up and set on the bed. “hello Deuta, I was just thinking about you.” She spoke cheerfully, “did you go for the morning walk today?” After a little pause her father replied, “well I woke up late so didn’t go.” He did not say he missed her. “Are you still sleeping?” “Yesterday I got late in the party but Raktim dropped me. Not feeling too well, so just laying down. Deuta please don’t miss your morning walks. Remember what doctor said?” “Okay okay. And tomorrow at what time you have your interview?” “At eleven in the morning” “Okay I’ll call you tomorrow. Take care.”

She reached in time for the interview. There were already many candidates waiting by then. They all looked smart and intelligent. “Hi, you too came for the interview?” asked the girl next to her. “Ya” she simply said. “Well am Nitu, I passed out from JMU and you?” Nikunj liked the girl and spoke out, “I am Nikunj. I am from Assam. I came in search of a job here. I did a diploma in journalism from an institute in Assam’’ “Diploma?? I mean you don’t have a degree in mass com?” Now Nikunj didn’t like the way she spoke, “No, but I have my job experience. I worked for two years with a leading magazine named Attitude in Assam” “Attitude?? I never heard this name” the girl gave a faint smile and started playing with the buttons of her mobile, munching a chewing gum. Now Nikunj actually disliked her. She sat quietly watching everyone, waiting for her turn to come. She somehow felt inferior compared to the rest. She was not selected in the interview.
It was almost three months. She appeared for many interviews but was not selected anywhere. Her cash was about to finish and her bills were mounting everyday. She didn’t have the heart to ask for some more from her father. She didn’t know what to do. She thought of borrowing from Raktim but he was out of station and will be back after a month. She thought of going back home. She thought of calling her father and telling him that she is a jerk. She couldn’t get through even one interview. She thought of telling him that she couldn’t face this tough world. She thought of asking him to send the money for her flight ticket, to catch the very first flight next morning and get back home. She sat on her room turning the light off. It was absolutely dark and cold. There was no sound except the dripping of water one after another from her bathroom tap. She sat for almost an hour. Suddenly she turned the light on. She looked weird. Her hairs unruly, her cheeks stained by tears, her kohl spread all over her eyes making it look like dark patches of wounds. She hurriedly looked for something in her bag. She got it. She held it between her trembling fingers for a while. She then took her phone and finally dialed the number, “Hello Rohit, will you do me a favor?”